What story do you want your children to tell?

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Here is an irrefutable Life Law.  Eventually everything is reduced to a story.  Yep, all those things we think are so important, no compromise issues... One day they will just be a story someone tells about you.  

Your greatest accomplishments will eventually become just another story you children tell about you.  Of course the good news is that your greatest failures will also be reduced to a story someone tells.  The funny things that happen in life... story.  The hard things... story.  The embarrassing things... story.  All of it will one day be a story you tell and then even less of it will be a story your children tell.  So let me ask you one of the most important questions in life.


What story do you want your children to tell?

As a pastor I've been to way more funerals than most people.  I've listened to the stories people tell at funerals.  I've sat with families in private as they told the stories of their loved one.  You know what I've discovered?  Death as a way of shining a rather glaring light on a persons life.  It sifts our life for the things that really mattered.  It asks the rather awkward question... what did you do that really mattered?  

Once a sat with a family who could only say... he was a good provider.   I figured there had to be more (It didn't leave me much to work with) so I probed further.  Nope, that was it.  He was a good provider. 

Even worse is the family that begins to pour out bitterness and anger when I ask for stories.  He was selfish, she didn't give time to anyone, they had an anger problem they... well you get the idea.  This usually leads to a pretty generic funeral.  

I've also sat with families devastated by the sudden loss of one they deeply loved.  Their grief so strong that it seemed like all the air had been sucked out of the room.  Into this grief I simply say... tell me about your loved one, what are their stories?  

Sometimes they start slow but in just a few minutes they get rolling and the stories begin to pour out.  Stories of the difference this person made in their life.  Stories of their impact on others.  Funny stories that have them belly laughing right smack dab in the middle of their sorrow.  Stories that make me cry.  Often there are stories of things they did that very few knew about but which profoundly impacted the lives of others.  This story time becomes  sacred time.  We laugh, we cry, we remember.  The more the family tells the stories the more they heal and the prouder they become of their loved one.  But in the end... it is all reduced to stories.  

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So here's the deal.  Stories shape people.  The make us who we are and the stories that your children and grandchildren tell about you will profoundly impact who they become.  Your stories will pass to the next generation your values.  

So... what story do you want your children to tell?   Your story is your greatest Legacy.  What do you want your legacy to be?   Would you like to change the trajectory of your legacy?  Would you like to influence those stories?   

For the next six weeks I'm going to be in a teaching series we're calling Legacy, living for something more than yourself.  I invite you to join us and bring along any friends that care about their story.  This will be helpful even if you are not a follower of Jesus and for those of you that are, this is super important.   

If you can't join us in person I invite you to join us online at www.MarysvilleNaz.org and go to the sermon section for Video or Audio of the teaching.  

Loneliness and Home Made Bread

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I read recently that 2 out of 3 men experience chronic loneliness.  That is a startling number when you consider they are talking about a chronic condition.  I can understand experiencing occasional loneliness but chronic?  That really says something about the lives men lead.  

Before I go further I probably need to be clear that loneliness and being alone is not the same thing.  One can be around a lot of people and be lonely. (Especially men)  One can also be by them-self and not feel lonely at all.  The key difference is the presence of meaningful friendships.  I honestly think that a huge part of the problem is that we have a hard time making strong friendships.  We do the surface thing pretty well but really getting to know someone so that you feel connected to them is much harder.  

For Jodi and me one of our greatest blessings has been the abundance of true friends over the years.  It's kind of amazing really when you consider how often we have moved.  Frankly we are prime candidates for loneliness but just the opposite is true.  We have more close friends than we can keep up with.  We really do have an embarrassment of riches.

Wanna know our secret?  One word, church.  Even before we went into the ministry we were deeply involved in church and in Connection Groups.  The gospel has always pushed us to connect in meaningful ways with other believers.  When we were young it was a connection group of young couples just starting out.  We laughed with and at each other.  We we got a little older we again bonded with people at the same stage of life.  At this stage in life we again find ourselves connected to folks that are doing what we are doing... launching kids into the real world, otherwise known as the empty nest.  

It is the friendships we made living life together that have sustained us over all these years.  In fact it seems to be coming full circle.  I look at the children of all our friends and I realize that our kids are now at the same stage of life that we were when we started our first Connection Group in our church.  Life goes by way to fast but we have been extraordinarily blessed with friends that are like family and you can too.

So let me encourage you to find the time in your crazy schedule to get into a connection group.  We have groups based on learning, Bible Study and sermons.  In addition to you can just spend time with good friends.  But I do have one caution.  Friends take time. 

Truth is you can't microwave friendship.  It is old fashion and can only be made from scratch.  Yes scratch is a lot of work but do you remember what homemade from scratch bread tastes like?  Hot out of the oven, overwhelming smell, soft inside.. then you add homemade jam... Yeah, worth it.  

Is getting connected and making real friends hard work?  Yep.  Does it take time you don't have? Yep.   Is it worth it... without a doubt.  Just like made from scratch bread satisfies in a way that store bought cannot, real friendship satisfies the soul.  

Life is a Team Sport

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If you have ever played a team sport you know that winning and losing is not entirely up to you.  You may play really well but lose because others did not.  Of course the opposite is also true, you many win despite the fact that you were not at your best.  You win and lose as a team. This lesson was one of the reason we encouraged our kids to be in team sports. 

Turns out Life is a Team Sport.   Nobody makes it on their own.  Someone gave you life, someone gave you life, people have taught you along the way and unless you are a total hermit and completely off the grid you depend on other people for everything from a working environment to the food on your table and the electricity in your big screen TV! 

Truth is we all have a Life Team around us.  These are the people we partner with in order to build a meaningful and fulfilling life.  Some Life Team members don't have a lot of influence on how our life will work out.  Take the folks that deliver electricity to our houses.  So long as they keep the lights on and we pay our bills that is about all we need from them.  

22 players + The 12th Man! 

However there are other folks that have a huge impact on how our life and the lives of the ones we love will turn out.  The truth is who you connect with determines what you build in life.  If you connect with the wrong folks they can stall out your life or worse they can take you down a destructive path.  This concept is so pervasive that we even have sayings about it... "He fell in with the wrong crowd" or one of my favorites, "It's hard to sore with the eagles when you are surrounded by turkeys!"

Of course the opposite is also true.  Get connected with people who encourage you to excel, coach you and have your back in times of trouble and building a great life gets a lot easier.  These are the folks that really do help you sore with Eagles.  These folks make you a better husband or wife, a better parent, employee or boss.  They help keep you focused on what really matters and how to get there.  That's the kind of team we all want to be a part of.    

Now comes the probing question... how much thought and intentional action have you given to choosing the people who are in your life?  Put more crudely... Are there folks on your "Life Team" that are taking things the wrong way?  Is there some room in your life for some folks that will make you and the people you love better?  

This Sunday we start our September Sermon Series we are calling Lego.  It's all about connecting with people and building a meaningful life.  Some folks help us build, others not so much.  Join us this Sunday as we talk about - The importance of your Life Team.  

This sermons series will be available in both audio video formats.  You can hear the audio on iTunes or the church web page.  The video will be available on the our Facebook page, our YouTube page and the church web page 

Life Long Love

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30 years ago today I stood before God and His church with the love of my life and we vowed life long love and fidelity to each other.  Except for putting Christ first in my life this was the best decision I've ever made.  I can honestly say everything of true value and goodness in my life is  in some way connected to her.  Top of the list are my two children Jana and Kevin, the greatest gifts I've ever received.  My closest friendships are couples friends.  This extraordinary women has partnered with me in my life's work, often carrying a heavy load in silence without the public recognition that comes my way.  Yep pretty much everything that is truly valuable is connected to her.

Truth is, I have a great life because I have a great wife and I love her way more today than I did 30 years ago.  (Didn't think that was possible back then, but I didn't know nearly as much as I thought) She is my best friend, partner in all things and the love of my life but most of all she is the one that has loved me and stuck by me no matter what. (That's a bigger deal than you would think!)

The greatest gift Jodi has given me is that, faithful to her vows, she has loved me like Jesus.  That is an extraordinary thing.  There is no one in the world who knows me better than her.  She knows my faults and flaws, my weaknesses and temptations.  She has seen me at my worst and my lowest.  There is nothing hidden from her... and yet she still loves me.  She has lived out for me the Love of God and demonstrated that True Love is knowing someone's faults and loving them anyway.  This kind of love is very strong and a gift from God.   As a former parishioner used to say to me, You are blessed and highly favored of the Lord.  Yes I am.

In 1 Peter 4:8 it says "Above all, Love each other deeply because Love covers a multitude of sins."   Peter got it right.  The very nature of God's love is not so much to be blind to the faults, flaws and sins of our spouse but to love them anyway.  The great gift of marriage is to love one other person like Christ loved us.  We can't love everyone like that, we simply do not have the capacity, but we can love one other person like that.  It is for this reason that God gives us christian marriage not to be loved, but to love.   --  Thanks Jodi for being Jesus to me for more than 30 years.  Love for a lifetime or until death us due part... whichever comes first.  :)