This Thanksgiving is Different. Nov 28, 2019
This Thanksgiving is different. I’m always grateful at
thanksgiving. Truth is I’ve been blessed beyond all reason and way beyond what
I deserve. It is never far from my consciousness that I was born into a great
family, have been blessed with creating my own great family, and I’m watching
my children get a good start on creating their great families. When it comes to
the things that really matter, I’m very rich. Even when I reflect on my
material station in life, I am blessed to have a job I love, work with people I
love, have everything I need and almost everything I could even imagine
wanting. Compared to the rest of the world I’m enormously rich finically
because I’m a middle-class American. I am deeply and profoundly grateful for
all of this and glad to give thanks every Thanksgiving and every day. Still,
this year is different.
Shortly after the first of the year, I went to see the
doctor about a lump in my thigh. I wasn’t very worried about it and neither was
the doctor. He ordered an ultrasound but there was no rush. Several weeks went
by and I eventually found myself chit-chatting with a very nice but new
ultrasound tech. She had graduated from school but was still in training, so I
didn’t think much of it when she got quiet and then left the room telling me
her work needed to be reviewed by her supervisor. I should have noticed when
the supervisor basically redid the ultrasound herself. They politely finished
up and I went home. That evening my phone rang and the caller ID showed my
doctor's office. I knew then something was wrong. The call was brief, but I
remember him saying I have a mass in my thigh that is almost certainly
cancerous. He was sending me for an MRI to get more clarity and I was to make
an appointment with an Orthopedic surgeon. He thought it would likely be
removed surgically and that would be it. He thought the matter urgent but was
not overly concerned. Things began to move faster.
I went in for the MRI and again a call from the Orthopedic
surgeon’s office. That meeting was my first indication that this wasn’t going
to be a simple thing. He told me that the lump in my thigh was a sarcoma. He
went on to say that these are rare and extremely dangerous. He was very grim
and said he needed to refer me to an Orthopedic Oncologist that worked with
sarcomas. Turns out there are only two or three of these in the entire state of
Washington. I am deeply thankful for this caring doctor who that day spent his
evening personally calling and trying to get me in to see one of these doctors
as soon as possible.
Eventually, I had an appointment at the best place possible
for my cancer, Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Not only do they have an
Orthopedic Oncologist they have a whole section dedicated to Sarcomas. After
more testing, the really bad news was shared with us. I have a sarcoma which is
not only rare and very aggressive but after genetic testing, my specific
sarcoma was very aggressive even among sarcomas. Additionally, this particular
type was prone to metastasizing and resistant to treatment. That was a very
hard day.
As we drove home in stunned silence it dawned on me that as
hard as those words to were to hear, it would be even harder sharing them with
my children and eventually my church. While there was some hope, the tumor was
small and it hadn’t yet metastasized, it didn’t seem like there was much hope.
That day, sitting in a Doctor’s office receiving a diagnosis that could end my
life, forever changed me.
In the weeks that followed there were plenty of tears, great
sadness and a lot of prayers. Nothing like a bad diagnosis to make you pray. It
was in those times of prayer that God began a new work in my life. Almost
immediately I had a deep sense of the Holy Spirit saying to me, I’ve got this.
I need to be clear, I did not hear God say He was going to heal me. Instead, it
was a deep assurance that no matter the outcome I could trust Him. It was then
that God gave me what has become my new mantra in life, #itrustgod.
I shared this with my family and congregation. I reminded
them that my faith was in God and that my trust in God was not that He would
heal me, which is what I wanted Him to do. Instead, it was a deep clarity and
assurance deep in my soul that even if I was coming to the end of my life, I
could still trust God. It was and is a proclamation of my heart that God can be
trusted even when disaster strikes. As simple and old a truth as this is, those
words, I trust God, opened the door for a profound sense of God’s peace to pour
into and over my life. I discovered for maybe the first time the true meaning
of the Hebrew word for peace, Shalom. In the New Testament, we call this, the
peace that goes beyond all understanding. (Romans 8:28) Yep, that pretty much
describes it. I have been given a deep peace in my soul that makes no sense. I
trust God, no matter what. As much as the bad diagnosis changed me, the
profound assurance from God that I could trust Him even if my days were short,
changed me even more. #itrustgod
I tell you all this so that it doesn’t sound completely
crazy when I say, this thanksgiving I’m thankful for cancer. I know, still
sounds crazy but God is teaching me that when he promises to bring good out of
bad, He is giving us an amazing gift even if it is sometimes hard to see.
This year I am thankful for my cancer diagnosis because God
has used it to change me in so many positive ways. Additionally, and completely
unforeseen to me is that He has used it to reveal many blessings I am guilty of
taking for granted. To open the eyes of the ungrateful that they might see God’s
blessing in their life is a profound gift and huge blessing in itself.
I’m grateful for cancer because God used it to help me value
and live in the present. My Strength Finders testing says one of my top five
strengths is Future. This means that I love to think about, strategize for and
live in the future. I’m the type of person that is energized by possibilities,
believes in what could be and will give myself fully to creating a better
future for everyone. Of course, the downside is that I can get so caught up in
thinking about and working toward a better future that I completely miss the
good things that are happening right now. It can make me neglectful of the
people I love most and ungrateful for the blessings God is pouring into my life
now.
One of the things that happened when I received my diagnosis
was that I stopped thinking about the future. What was the point? It was
looking like I didn’t have one. God used that enforced pause to my natural
state to open my eyes to all the really great things He was doing in me right
now. Don’t misunderstand, it wasn’t that I was unaware that I have a great
family, a great church and a great job. It was just that I handled them to
casually and didn’t give them the attention they deserved and God the credit He
deserved. God brought very good out of very bad and I’m thankful. #itrustgod
In addition to being thankful for cancer itself, I’m also
thankful for the many blessing God has brought out of my cancer diagnosis.
Maybe the greatest of these is that it has brought our family closer. They say
major trauma has a way of moving relationships either closer or apart. In our
case, it has been closer. After the diagnosis, my kids started calling and
visiting more often. Don’t miss understand, they always called and visited, and
I’m blessed to have close relationships with my children and their spouses, but
a life-threatening diagnosis has a way of creating a significant uptick in
contact with the people you love and I’m always thankful for that. In addition
to more contact with my children, I noticed that many other friends reached out
in ways big and small. #itrustgod
This year I am especially thankful I am a part of a praying
church and by church, I mean my local, district, denominational and the larger
church of Jesus Christ. In these difficult months, I have been prayed for by
thousands of people around the world and in lots of languages I don’t
understand. I can not express in words how powerful this has been in my life.
The truth is, I’m blessed with friends, colleagues and a large church family
that spans the globe and they are praying people. This became crystal clear to
me at District Assembly last year. I had just been diagnosed and many told me
they would be praying. As the meetings were coming to an end Jerry Kester, my
District Superintendent asked the assembly if they would lay hands on and pray
for myself and another pastor who had cancer. We came to the front of the
church and people began to gather around laying their hands on us. When no more
could touch us, they laid hands on the people in front of them. We were
completely engulfed in the body of Christ. The moment was powerful as Jerry,
who is my pastor, prayed for healing and the Assembly joined in agreement. When
it was done, I was vaguely aware that there were a lot of people at the front,
but my emotions were too strong to really grasp what had happened. Later
someone posted a picture and I was stunned to see 100’s had gathered to lay
hands on myself and the other pastor as they prayed for our healing. In both
that moment of prayer and seeing the picture a few days later God seemed to say
again, I’ve got this. #itrustgod.
Another good out of bad thing that God has been doing is
showing me again the beauty of His bride the church. A few minutes after we
received my diagnosis, they began talking to us about a plan of treatment. Four
rounds of chemo, each confining me to the hospital for five days in a row with
a two-week recovery between. I was to expect to be very sick even after going
home. This would be followed by five weeks of radiation, five days a week. Then
major surgery to remove the tumor then two more in-patient chemo’s. I was to
expect that this would take over my life for nine months. The next board
meeting was going to be very hard.
I told the board the bad news and offered to resign. They
would have none of it. Instead, over the following weeks they helped me pound
out and put into place a plan that allowed me the time off to take care of my
medical needs while keeping me engaged in the work of the church and continuing
to receive a full paycheck. Additionally, the church body has gone over and
above to support and love us during this difficult time. The nurses and doctors
have been amazed at the level of support and love we enjoy as members of the
Body of Christ. The churches love expressed in practical ways has not only
blessed us, but it opened the door for many spiritual conversations with
healthcare professionals. #itrustgod
There are many more things I’m thankful for this year that
have come from the cancer diagnosis. The one that I find most amazing is that
although I did not and do not believe I can force God to heal me He seems to be
doing it in a blend of medicine and miracle. That day in the office when the
doctors shared my diagnosis, they were very grim and kept saying, I’m sorry.
However, over the course of my treatment, God has worked in such a way that
they now greet me with big smiles. Less than one in four people with my cancer
respond at all to chemo. Not only did my tumor respond but it shrunk
dramatically. At the end of my first four rounds of Chemo one of the doctors
sharing the results with me literally did a happy dance in the room!
Additionally, my tumor responded so well to radiation treatment that when the
result came back two of them fist-bumped and one of them calls me the poster
child for their work! Last week the surgery to remove the tumor went extremely
well both medically and in terms of my ability to recover. For all of this, I
am deeply and profoundly thankful. I’m not out of the woods yet but God has
truly done a miracle and I am looking forward to how He will continue work in
the years ahead. #itrustgod
Today when my family gathers around the Thanksgiving Table I
think the thing, I will be most thankful for is that God can be trusted, no
matter what. #itrustgod
Happy Giving Thanks Day!
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